Seriously, I Hate My Couch.

I don’t invite people over.

The prospect of a relaxing Sunday afternoon stippled with sunny reflections
over breezy chatter isn’t something on my agenda.  Yet.

You know why?

It’s because I hate my couch.  Not just in that way where you kind of don’t like your couch, and it seems a little outdated… but with the burning hot fury of a thousand suns.

The Beast, a nickname it has been christened with over time, sits – nay, lurks! – in our living room.  We have a 600 square foot apartment, 90% of which is taken up by the goddamn couch.  It was there when we move in, and it will probably be there when we leave.  A green, cracked leather behemoth of furniture, it knows that it could never be replaced because it is just too much of a hassle to move.

I’ve considered getting the day laborers outside of Home Depot to just take it away.  ¿Dónde a?, they’ll ask me, and I will shrug and point out the door.  Just take it.  The couch sits, smug in its’ permanence, and you can almost hear it laughing at us.  Mocking. 


It’s just not fair.  Have you even seen what’s out there?  Ever since buying The Entertainment Beast,
all I’ve really wanted to do is get a new couch.  With the goods that you can find at ApartmentTherapy, InhabitLiving or MocoLoco,
it almost makes me want to have a tantrum.  

What happens is that I see sites like Workspace of the Week over on Unclutterer and want my apartment to be cleaner.  This either makes me surf obsessively (weeping!) through the home décor
sites, or launches an epic cleaning spree that results in the apartment looking like we just moved in.  That latter bit happens perhaps once a month, and can probably be blamed on the moon… or the

Then my wishlist factor kicks in.  The first symptom is astonishment: WHY does
a single chair cost more than I make in almost six weeks worth of work?  The second symptom is answered by its’ own questioning:  WHY can’t we have that?  Well, because a single chair costs more than I make in almost six weeks worth of work.  Don’t get me wrong: it’s an awesome
chair.  It is, however, a CHAIR.

Other things that are interesting (and make me realize that I really am a packrat) are things like this, where someone lives in a space half the size of my dwelling.  They probably don’t share that with a
significant other and a cat, but you never know.  They also probably know how to pick up their laundry and put it away, however this is one of my major downfalls.  The lines in those rooms are nice and clean, and all of those homes look like display models.  My home is not particularly clean, nor does it look like a display model.  It looks like a renovated San Diego beach cottage from the 70’s, which makes it stay true to form.

However, that last link brings me full circle… did you see the couch?  Square, comfy, one piece?  Yeah, I need to borrow that.  You don’t need it.  I need it.

While you’re at it, feel free to pick up some new sheet sets for me.  Maybe it’ll offset the couch.


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