just a moment

it’s dark.

the tea is warm.

…rain is wet.

for much the same reasons we wear watches, we are content with these jumbles of words – sayings that point out the obvious, bursts of babble that push away the silence as if a flashlight had been flicked on, the mental darkness suddenly no longer there. not fading, just gone.

———

i have been spending my days feeling sad, angry, disappointed, frustrated, tired. when that cycle passes, i feel numb for a bit, and then suddenly find myself crying at nothing or seething with an intense anger.  i’m unsure what to do except survive through it. the past few days have been normal though (mood wise) and i can almost function the way a regular person would.  mostly what happens after work is that i come home, look at the internet, look at a video game, then go to sleep. tomorrow i’m having brunchfast with a friend, which will be a welcome change of pace. there will be beignets, a delicious idea that i’m not going to bother spellchecking.  they’re powdered bits of doughy goodness. bin-yays. you know.  DELICIOUS.

i want to paint, sing, sleep, run to the ocean, drive to the desert. i want to drink heavily but don’t want (and can’t cope with) the aftermath. i’ve been devouring books in lieu of drinking, but there’s still a hangover.

i miss my friends.  i feel very alone and at the same time too crowded.  i’ve not been to new york, but imagine it’s a similar feeling.

——–

in other news, i started to play with The Wayback Machine.  always a fun timetravel experience.

here, look:

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One response to this post.

  1. I can completely understand your mixture of feelings. I hope you take yourself up on all of the wants (at least the good ones…I agree, love to drink but hangovers are a bitch)…I hope the beignets and friendship helps….not sure which is better. =/

    Reply

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